Shakespear's sonnet in "modern" English

If we had it our way, one of the most famous of William Shakespear's sonnet would read somewhat like this -

Whn my luv swears dat she s made of truth
I do blieve her, tho I knw she lies,
Dat she mite think me sme untutored uth,
Unlearned in da world's false subtleties.
Dus vainly thinkin dat she thinks me young.
Altho she knws my days r past da bst,
Simply I credit her false speaking tongue:
On both side thus s simple truth suppressed:
But whr4 sez she nt she s unjust?
And whr4 say nt I that I am old?
Oh! luv's bst habit s in seeming trust,
N age in luv luvs nt 2 hav yrs told:
Dare4 I lie wid her n she wid me,
N in our faults by lies we flattered b.

In our endeavor for speedy communication, one of the channels man explored was quicker methods of writing – he invented shorthand and then came what we now call the “txt lingo” or “sms lingo”. This language was solely introduced (and is continually being developed) as a means for short, written communication. As with everything, we yearn to widen the scope of utility; while our attempt at this has only proved quite unfortunate in this case; because on our way forward, we lost the importance of it being meant for short and written communication.

I have often come across social updates and emails that are as long as letters and are written in this awfully irritating language which when read aloud sound like words emanating from someone suffering from serious speech impediment. Yes, these new so-called languages reduce the writer’s effort as it brings down the character count. But somewhere at the reader’s end, it counters this advantage. His normal flow of reading is disrupted by the incessant hold-ups in identifying what “cld” really means - “could” or “cold”? And whether the closing line “LOL” really meant “lot’s of love” or “laughing out loud”? You could argue that one can figure out the meaning with the context in place; but hey! Can you really expect someone to build a context when he’s still trying to tie some meaningless words together?

What is worse is that we have now started talking in this language. We combined “tell me” to “temme” not just in written form but also in spoken English; while of course “let me check” became “lemme chk” when written and “lemme check” when spoken. God knows if we had the supreme power to pronounce words without vowels, we would do so! What’s unnerving however is when we use “ma” for “my”, “da” for “the” and “fa” for “for” as we speak. Imagine this… “I am going for the movie with my friends” actually sounds like “m goin fa da movie wid ma frenz”. I came across a smart butt who “by mistake” wrote on a chat window “I’ll send that 2 u” and then immediately followed it with a correction “dat*”. I say, that may have sounded “kewl” but supremely lame as well.

While we understand the need for quicker messaging, let’s just stick to messages and not speeches where we use this language. Leave some respect for what is really called modern English as against the old Shakespearean English.